I’ve gone bacterial.

Bacterial marketing is the next wave- it’s bigger, for one, and it can reproduce entirely independently of its host. So while, say, the Star Wars Kid “virus” (to which, sadly, there is still no known vaccine- remember, kids: prevention is the best cure!) required people’s attention to grow into a phenomenon, bacterial marketing (pay attention here, this is huge) doesn’t require people to grow.

It literally sells itself. To itself. And it can sell itself to itself in almost any environment on earth, including the icy, desolate wasteland of Antarctica.

And now is the perfect time to get involved with bacterial marketing, before consumers can form an immunity to it, and before the competition can develop “anti-biotic” marketing campaigns.

With my new bacteriological marketing technique, we can make any product become more than a phenomenon: we can make it an epidemic, uncontainable and affecting millions.

(ps, this comment started out as a joke but I bet we could totally use this pitch to make a bazillion dollars.)